Revising and Reseeing Introduction

Revision Piece, “Our Attitudes within Our Communities” Community Paper Introduction

The piece I chose for revision needed a lot of help. I chose my community paper because of the lack of thesis driven direction that it had. I strayed from my thesis numerous times. I was also not happy with the introduction, which did not grab the reader’s attention. The expectation was to write about communities in general, while using specific communities as examples only. In my third paragraph, I strayed far from the overall idea of communities in general and focused more on the people and specific roles of these people, which was not the assignment. My use of the essay examples in this paper did well in reflecting my thoughts about communities, but I would have liked it to flow better. I included only the first three paragraphs because of the length of the paper.